It’s so easy to be critical or to give out about other people, but why are many of us like that, is there something wrong with us, are we unusual to be critical? Can we do anything about it? Well the answer is yes. So let’s first look at why we are critical. The reason is because it’s easy to be critical. Did you know we are three time more negative than positive.  According to research done on human behaviour we process negative thoughts more quickly than positive thoughts.

Many people will tell you they are not negative but think about it, we enjoy gossip and when you think of gossip it’s normally about someone else and what they have done wrong, what about newspapers? They are mostly negative stories – war, deaths, business losses and we enjoy reading them. What about women’s magazines nearly every one of them features articles about what can go wrong with women’s health, they give advice on how to deal with difficult relationships, how to get that amazing man that doesn’t seem to exist. Negativity sells magazines newspapers and keeps conversations fluid. I used to do an exercise when I was teaching people about developing a positive attitude – I got them to make a list of 10 things they didn’t like about the room they were in. Always easy and took just a few minutes, then I changed the question and asked them to list 10 things they liked about the room – always more difficult so it takes time to develop a positive approach but a worthwhile exercise. 

The key is to make sure you are not causing someone damage with false information, yes its tempting to flavor information you have heard to make it more sensational but you are doing someone an injustice and that is not acceptable. How about turning it around and finding something good to say about that person? 

I remember having a conversation with a senior manager in a company I used to work for. At his meetings, he was constantly critical and was doom and gloom about the organisations financial situation. I met with him afterward my first meeting with him and said I thought he was being very negative and was missing an opportunity to motivate and inspire his team. He listened intently and I though that’s good he has got the message. 

At the next meeting he used the same approach – doom and gloom and then said “I know people in this room think I’m being negative but I’m not, I’m being realistic”.  A couple of meetings later he said he didn’t see value in having this meeting as people didn’t have much to say, the problem was that every time someone tried to talk about something positive he would be critical  about what they said. So in the end no one commented and the meeting no longer takes place. It led to a number of problems as people were no longer in the loop as to what was happening. 

There is a lot of value in being positive and looking for inspirational stories as it can motivate people. Research has shown that positive people are more productive and the bottom line is positively impacted as well.

Taking a positive approach and thinking about others has a very positive impact on peoples lives. I was at an airport a week ago and sat having a coffee. I was close to the airlines ticket desk which had just 1 person on duty and a queue of 6 people all demanding assistance from this sole person. I actually felt sorry for her. Them an amazing thing happened, one of the people in the queue who had been helped by the person went and bought a black coffee and a container of milk and went to the desk and said to her I know you have been very busy and working hard but thank you for sorting out my problem and please have a coffee on me. The staff member was shocked – not many people appreciated what she did to sort out problems but this particular person who was a different culture to her did something small but it had an amazing impact. 

A couple of days later I was in a very car park in a major shopping centre. A driver arrived with a baby buggy and was obviously planning to leave, a queue of traffic built up as one driver was hoping to get the parking spot. The driver with the buggy was having great difficulty trying to fold down the buggy and (some of us have been in that situation) obviously was feeling embarrassed about this. Then a middle aged lady in another vehicle jumped out walked over and helped him fold the buggy. A simple gesture but impactful to all of us. 

So think about how you could help a colleague today, the photocopier jams on a colleague – help them out, going for a coffee ask others if they would like one too, someone looking down and unhappy at work, invite them for a coffee and ask if they want to talk about their problem. All small gestures but it will make you feel great and also them, but others who see it too will be impacted.  

Being negative is easy but taking a positive approach takes effort and requires you to do or say something positive – try it and see what happens.